So if you have read my last post, you will know that I had a “manual reset” which ended up with me being in Cheltenham. I rested, read and went to a few of the talks at the literature festival but now that I am back, I have started to wonder about whether London is helping or hindering my progress?
So here is the thing. I am a born and bred Londoner. I have always thought that bar a few years abroad (possibly New York or Boston?) that this city is the place where I would eventually settle and die. Because, I love it here. I love how busy and multi cultural it is. I love that I can bump into people that I know but also wonder around without being known by anyone. I love that I can cross the river and feel like I am in a completely new city and I love the glint in peoples eyes when I tell them that this is where I live.
But it is also tiring. Because it is so busy here, it never feels like London is resting and so sometimes I feel like I can’t rest either. Sometimes, I want to fall asleep in silence and I can’t do that here. I want to drive down country lanes and stand in line for a bus with a driver that I can thank when I get off at my stop. I want to go a local country pub and have a nice and simple dinner and go home and switch off. I want everything to slow down. I want to breathe.
That is why I love Cheltenham and even Oxfordshire. As soon as I see those hills and the beautiful and varied shades of green, I feel rested. I feel free. I love going the local Co-Op and window shopping in vintage furniture stores. I love going to a local pub for a delicious Sunday roast (The Royal Oak, if you’re asking). It is also so nice to see that I could actually purchase a home without having to sell multiple organs.
But the reason why I am so torn (queue Natalie Imbruglia) about this, is because London feels like a part of me. South West London specifically, means the world to me. I love it here. I am fiercely proud of my hometown. My family is here, my life is here. I just don’t know if what looks like good mental health, for me, is here.
Do all Londoners or city dwellers go through this? I don’t know. But I am starting to think that the glory of my hometown is more like a poisoned chalice.
This Friday is “Frivolous Friday” so stay tuned for an update on what has been making me smile this month.
Until next time….
All the best,