Holy cow, that week went quickly!
So… What’s been going on?
Well reader, I have had to take a bit of time out from work. It all just got to be a bit too much, on top of my other health problems. And whilst I have taken the steps to be more open and to speak with people and encourage others to do the same, It wasn’t easy to let my oldest friends know what has been going on in my head. Why? Well, on top of the other reasons that I have explained in previous posts (this is the bit when you read my other posts and come back), I am a bit too English.
I very much grew up believing that no matter what problems I have with my health, both physical and mental, if I just work as hard as I can at my job, I can deal with the other things in the four hours that I have in the day before I have to go to sleep. I wake up, put my big girl shoes on and head back out to work. In short, I compartmentalise. But that came to a head last week.
I spoke to a few professionals, my parents and my friends and they explained to me, calmly, that they had noticed. Reader, it’s not working. I look tired (turns out MAC can’t cure everything). I am not as quick-witted and actively taking part in conversations. Sometimes I’m not there, in body or mind. I am usually quite reserved but I have been unusually so, to not bother people. Fine thanks, you?
So reader, off the back of that, I told the professionals, my parents and my oldest friends that I have been struggling. I have been trying to make things better and to be everything to everyone, but it’s just not working. I can’t compartmentalise my health anymore, because it is a HUGE part of my life. I can’t function if my work, health and other things aren’t coming together.
And what do you know! They haven’t ignored me! They haven’t left me to fade away. They have let me know that they have noticed and they do care. My friends have taken the time to check on me and make plans to go out, my medical help is starting to come together and my parents have been so kind. Even work has made allowances (I have been told to stay AWAY from work emails). I know how worried they are. I am trying.
But my God, the relief alone after letting people know has made me feel better. I am still working on it, but it’s nice to be able to say what is going on and to be really honest; it’s nice to know that people care. I forget that even if I don’t say how I feel, in one way or another, it shows. I cannot hide it. And I will continue to try not to.
Because I’ve got help. I do not want to be an island.
Keep sharing, listening and caring everyone.
Until the next time.
All the best,